Built

You know how sometimes, as an adult, you have to do things you really don't want to do? No? Then I think you're doing it wrong or I admire the way you find joy in paying bills or picking up something else's poop. I had one of those things I didn't want to do today: I had a physical therapy appointment. I wanted to cancel it, but I went anyway, and I think I deserve a grown up gold star for going. I knew, because in my dream world I'm a doctor as well as a mechanic and carpenter, that they would say that the pain I was feeling in my leg was a direct result of my running and I had a sneaking suspicion they might tell me to quit the running thing.

And I don't want to quit the running thing. I'm a better [insert anything I can be: wife, teacher, friend, goofball, etc.] when I get a few runs in a week. Without it, I spiral downward. It's not pretty.

Melodramatic Puppy Shot

You know what else isn't pretty though? Injuries. I've been sidelined with injuries year after year. 
Now I have a hamstring strain. That's ok, I can deal with that. Right? Stretches, warm ups and cool downs, I can manage that. That wasn't so bad to hear, but this was- that I'm not built for running. It stings a bit. That made me imagine some little 'body' sweat shop where there are multiple assembly lines of bodies being built by small troll-like beings that get to decide whether you are 'built' for something or not. Question: If I'm not built for running, what am I built for?

She suggested I take up cycling. I'm thinking about adding it to the mix. Maybe.

Why in the heck am I talking about running on a sort of food obsessed blog? Well, I'm glad you asked. I think that food has powerful connections to so much in life.
Let me explain with a charty arrowy thing:

See? Doesn't it all make sense now? Yes, I did just make this and yes, I think the color coding helps. Though, the terms 'good' and 'bad' can be misleading, I hope you get my drift- good food leads to good mood leads to.. you get it.

I came home from the appointment feeling deflated, and wondering why, why oh why, do I try to be healthy at all? What is the point? I feel, sometimes, like my best is just not good enough. I was digging myself deep into my pit of despair. Real deep.

Then I made tomato soup. And went to yoga, even though I wanted to be home under a blanket sinking deeper into my pit. I put myself on autopilot and didn't allow myself to be talked into staying home by the gremlin inside that tells me to sleep in, stay home and do otherwise unhealthy things with my time (well, now don't I sound sane).

At yoga, I practiced right next to the owner of a yoga studio I used to attend years and years ago. I went to that studio three times a week for almost three years. I got my yoga bearings in that yoga studio. I lost almost thirty pounds in that yoga studio. I inched closer to the person I am today in that yoga studio. I no longer go there, for many reasons, but mostly because I moved on.

I moved on. My best is getting better, and I'm moving forward each day. Seeing her there reminded me of the food I used to eat; the 100 calorie snack packs that were never very satisfying, the frozen meals that frequented my daily lunch plate, the outrageous amounts of coffee I had to consume every morning.

I've come a long way. I'm making progress and even if it's minute, it's progress.

There will be setbacks on this little good food road of mine, I see that now. I will have to deal with crummy unforeseen challenges and I can buy some stale brownies, scarf down my emotions with a bit of skim milk or I can take stock of the situation and move forward in the direction of my choice. I kinda like the latter. It fits very nicely with one of my favorite quotes.

from the interwebs, pinterest specifically

-m